un-natural selection

Natural selection – the process by which forms of life having traits that better enable them to adapt to specific environmental pressures, as predators, changes in climate, or competition for food or mates, will tend to survive and reproduce in greater numbers than others of their kind, thus ensuring the perpetuation of those favorable traits in succeeding generations. (According to dictionary.com)

In most instances of natural selection, the larger animal dominated the crowd, ate all the food and had sex with all the other animals which allowed them to pass on their genes. These genes would consist of physically dominating traits, large, tall, aggressive, you know, everything you want in a person you’re bringing home to meet mom. A figure not unlike Stewie in Family Guy when he starts doing steroids. Now that humans are at the top of this food change, things are changing. Why? We like eating those fat animals. Those yummy yummy fat animals. The fatter they are, the more we harvest them. The small ones often get released back into the wild and with this reversal of luck, these smaller animals are getting the chance to procreate while the larger animals are slowly being picked off, piece by piece, mmmmm. Next time you see your Sizzler’s fajita’s sizzling it’s way over to your table, remember, that piece of meat was once le cordon bleu of the jungle. Now he’s going to be a part of your digestive jungle.

But do not worry, once we have natural selected out all the large and meaty animals, even if we are left with just small fish and meat, we’ll just move them to our enclosed farms and pump them up full of steroids. Organic meat will one day be so small that Derek Zoolander will realize it is a meal that would not even satiate ants.

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